Self-Talk

For the longest time, I hated that phrase. In my way of thinking, it was total cheese-ball stuff reserved for the kind feel-good self-help books targeted at middle-aged people who didn’t really want to change. People who wanted to feel like they were doing something besides waiting around to die, but who didn’t want to actually do something to change their circumstance or trajectory.

And, like so many other things in my life, I was wrong.

Self-talk, which is the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, is incredibly powerful, and for proof, look no further than your children. That is if you have children. If not, you’ll have to think back to when you were a child and pretend.

No matter what a child is doing - playing with blocks, trying to walk, or putting a puzzle together - if they get frustrated and say, “I can’t,” how do the adults in the room respond?

“Yes, you can. You just have to keep trying,” or some variation thereof. It’s instinctive, burned into our psyche from centuries of raising children whom we want to be successful and productive members of our society.

And what usually happens?

The child figures it out and accomplishes whatever it was they wanted to do.

Yet, when it comes to ourselves, how often do we tell a different story?

Somewhere along the line, after our parents stop telling us we can, we start telling ourselves that we can’t.

Oh, I could never...start a business.

Oh, I could never...run for local office.

Oh, I could never...finish a half marathon.

Oh, I could never, I could never, I could never.

And just like the outcome for the child is damn near predetermined by the stories she hears from the adults, so too are ours heavily dependent upon the stories we tell ourselves.

So I’ve learned to embrace self-talk. I tell myself lots of stories about the things I can do and very few about the things I can't.

I still don’t like the term, but I sure do like what it can do for me.

P.S. Today is the half-way point for April StoryAthlete #GRIT. For those following along, I'll have the details for joining us in May next week.