A while back, I mentioned an upcoming therapist appointment to a friend of mine.

“Therapy?” he said? “Like a shrink?”

“No, dude. Marriage counselor.”

“Uh oh,” he replied, “trouble in paradise?”

“Well, not really, we like to…”

He cut me off.

Before I could get another word out, he let me know that if you get to the point of needing a counselor in your marriage, it’s too late. According to him, "all those people do is take your money so that you’re already used to it when the lawyers get involved."

So I just let him talk.

Never did get around to telling him why we were going, which was to talk over some issues we were dealing with that were external to our marriage but causing problems nonetheless. There was no trouble in paradise; we just had some other folk’s problems spilling over into our lives and needed some help working through it.

The point wasn’t to mitigate any trouble; it was to prevent it from starting.

I knew where he was coming from, though. The first time Julia asked me if I wanted to see a counselor with her, we weren’t even married yet. Because I wanted to support her, I agreed, but secretly I thought it was a crock of bull.

On that occasion, we were indeed having some problems in our relationship, and my train of thought at the time was similar to my buddies. But, looking back, I can see I was only avoiding admitting to myself that we needed help, and my ego damn near kept us from getting it.

It reminds me of being in elementary and middle school when I was afraid to ask questions in class. I would leave and have to ask a friend or dig through the book to figure out something we’d just learned because I was afraid to raise my hand.

I didn’t want to be the dummy with the dumb question.

Sound familiar?

I’ve got to think that fear of asking for help or even admitting that we need help is one of the biggest reasons for failure. In marriages, in business, in school, and elsewhere our egos get in our way and prevent us from getting the help that we need.

So, to my buddy, I say that reaching a point where you’re asking for help isn’t the end of the line.

Quite the opposite, actually.

If you don’t wait too long, asking for help just might be the beginning of the journey instead of the end.